Monday, December 24, 2007

My December 24th so far.

  • My wife being in a foul mood last night has put me in a foul mood today.  But I will just try to be silent and sullen.  I should be doing some Merry Christmas glad-handing this afternoon at work, but all I want to do is crawl under the sheets at home.
  • I can't talk to the wife when she gets in a bad mood.  I turn into a persona non grata.  That was what happened last night after we went for supper at the Amazon Hawaii Buffet.  I detected a bad mood in her and so I asked her what was the matter.  She didn't respond.  (She adamantly insists that she should not answer any questions I have about her feelings or what she wants me to do.  I should just know after being married to her for a year.  So it is stupid on my part to ask.)  She then told me she didn't want to go for supper this evening because she was tired but that I could still go.  When I told her that I couldn't go either in such circumstances, she handed me money and the bank card.  She than expressed anger about our, or probably my, having gone over budget this month.   She might as well have fired a stun gun at me.  I was immobilized to the quick.  Nothing for me to do but be silent and expect criticism.  And as i said in the precious entry, Christmas and my birthday was ruined.
  • This morning, I got up and got ready to go to work.  I did one blog entry for both spaces and blogspot.  This is a blogspot exclusive entry.  The wife and Tony were asleep when I left.  I was not in the mood to eat the food the maid had prepared.  I looked at Tony asleep, hoping he could be a source of strength for me to get through the day.  It isn't about me anymore, I know.  But the wife's actions were spirit-crushing.  I have never tried to do that to my wife.  When she told me she was pregnant, it meant having to postpone seeing my parents for a year.  It dashed my plans.  She was scared I would be angry.  I quickly got used to the idea.  It was no problem.  What was done, was done.  I never got angry.  I am pretty easy going about forgiving transgressions.  I quickly adapt to new realities.
  • We are off early today.  I had but one class to teach in the afternoon.  At 500 PM, I heading home.  What I am heading home to is the question.
  • If the wife doesn't change her mind, we won't be going out tonight.  Our Christmas Eve will be rather quiet if we do stay home.  I would be very disappointed.
  • I wonder if I should be making a negative entry such as this.  Actually, I am holding but how I really feel.  Still, I only put this entry in blogspot because most people in China won't get to see it.  I need to get it off my chest.

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