Monday, July 13, 2009

What if Chuck Norris came to Wuxi? A Thought Experiment.

What would happen if Chuck Norris, noted political columnist, movie actor, and all around he-man came to Wuxi?  A question like this is not simple to answer, it would require feats of human thought similar to scope to the feats of strength that Chuck Norris has performed and is capable of.  So expect much speculation about this question from AKIC over the next few decades.
So, off the top of my head, here are a few things that would happen if Chuck Norris came to Wuxi:
  • Wuxi, China would instantly adopt the three child policy.
  • The moderator of and Chuck Norris would engage in a belching contest.
  • The moderator of and all his buddies would be drank under the table by Chuck Norris in a drinking contest.
  • We would all be living in the Chuck Norris Dynasty.
  • Wuxi would become the capital of the Chinese Republic of Chuck Norris.
  • Some of my dumb students would at least learn one sentence:  "Please don't kill me!  Chuck Norris!"
  • Wuxi would have to change its' Chinese name from "Without Tin" to "With Steel".
  • Wuxi Life Magazine would profile only one Wuxi Expat:  Chuck Norris.
  • The moderator of  would be calling himself the Queen of Wuxi.
  • The current Chinese government would give Tibet, Xinjiang and Taiwan to Chuck Norris in hopes of appeasing him.
  • The Solar Eclipse would happen on Friday, July 25 at 730 PM, just after Chuck Norris has finished his dinner.
  • The locals would learn how to line up in McDonalds.
  • Chinese society would become harmonious alright.
  • The Great Wall would be moved to Xihui Park.

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