Friday, September 24, 2010

Silly Conversations

An Expat man and his wife in China 

"Honey!  I lost my shoes!"


"At the supermarket!"

"The Supermarket?"

'In the meat section."

"I thought you would have forgotten them in in frozen foods."

"Well.  You know.  Fancies change."

" I suppose.  But what local in his right mind would have stolen them?  You are a size forty six."

"Maybe the local wanted them to put on the wall of his room or den.  You know, right besides his wedding portrait."

"Now, why would he do that?"

"Novelty and for status.  I could just see him saying "Look at these shoes I found."."

"That probably explains why you see shoes abandoned on the street.  These shoes confer no status on the possessor."

"You got her baby!  Yeah!"
A son finally meets his Father after spending ten years in University.

"Hey son!  Nice to see you after ten years!  I hoped you learned something useful in university."
"Oh Yeah!  And I am one credit short of getting me bachelor's."
"Wonderful.  Wonderful!"
"I have some big news to tell you."
"Oh really!  Go ahead! Tell me.  Keen I am to know whatever it is you got to say!"
"I am getting married!"
"Oooh!  What is the name of the lucky soon-to-be bride?  Will she supply us with a good dowry.  I ain't giving you up cheap you know!"
"Well. Actually.  I will marry Bob!"
"Bob?  Like Bobetta?  Who names their daughter Bobetta? -- sounds like the name of a fat girl.  But she is probably well-fed and her family are persons of property and can supply Me and your mom with a good dowry."
"Bob is a man."
"A man.  Wow!"
"What do you mean by "Wow!"?  Does that indicate approval or disapproval?"
"Well.  Me and your mother had a bet.  She bet a hundred dollars you were gay!  And now I owe her.  I should have taken the fact that you were a fan of the Ottawa Senators as a clue.  I hope this Bob can help me pay her off.  I don't want that debt hanging over me."
"I will take that as an approval of sorts.  Although it seems that all you care about is money and you couldn't care less if I married a goat or a sixty year old Australian Man as long as he gave you filthy lucre....   But, I will live with the acceptance of sorts.  I really thought you were going to say stern words to me and make me cry, and then chase me with your nerf pitchfork and assault rifle that can fire balls at a rate of ten a minute."
"You know, son, I was reading somewhere that gay people have a higher average income than straight people.  What does Bob do?"
"He is going to get a Master in Sociology and Gender Studies!"
"Really!  Will he get a professorship and earn tenure?  If he gets at a government sinecure, he'd be rolling in the green stuff.  Yippee Skippee!  I will make love to him myself!"
"Don't count your eggs before they hatch Dad!"

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