"I love it more than drinking or love-making. In fact, I only do these activities because they can lead to fighting."
"How can that be?"
When I sleep with my mate's wife. We duke it out afterwards. And when he sleeps with my wife, likewise. And when we head down to the pub, we fight all our friends. Which is not to say that we don't like to fight people we don't like, but our enemies don't get the benefit of our fighting skills -- we just pulverize them.
"Do you like fighting with family members?"
"Of course. We always ask if a fight is a family fight and whether we can join in. Some of my best fights were with my mother. I would tell her her cooking was terrible so she could whack me and we could start fighting. And of course, I can't say how much my fights with my father taught me about fighting. He showed me how to be a dirty fighter but all in good fun."
"What about your siblings?"
"When I haven't seen my sister in a while, there is nothing I like better than to phone her up and call her all sorts of names so she can send her husband to my house to brawl. Of course when I am in her presence, I do her the honor of having a fight with her -- she can use broken bottles if need be. My brothers -- we like to have fights with people on the vague pretext of insulting our sister. We often sleep with and insult each of our wives just so we can have a fight. In fact, I would say that I enjoy fighting with my brothers more than the British".
"What about your other relatives?"
"I give my aunts left hooks and round-houser rights all the time. Otherwise, they would beat me on the head with a crock pot or kick me in the groin. And as for my uncles, I have to defend them when my cousins (his children) attack him with sledge-hammers. But it is all the family, and so it as wholesome a beating as you will ever get on God's green earth."
(Irishmen punchs Interviewer)
"Why did you do that?"
"I think you are a capital fellow" (kicks interviewer in the groin)
"Thank you. I am honoured!" (Shoves microphone in Irishman's mouth. Irishman gives thumbs up! sign.)
(Interviewer looks at camera and says:) Well! To-da-lou from Donnybrook, Ireland." "Take that Paddy! Let's see if gerald fitzs ya!"
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