Notes about September 6th Marking 20 Years in China for Me

 今天，我可以说我住过在中国， 无锡和江阴，二十年。

Today, I can say that I have lived in China, Wuxi and Jiangyin for twenty years.

Here’s the passport stamp to prove it. 

And here are some random thoughts, observations and rants about my time in China:

I’ve been married to China since September 6, 2004.  My stint started out well.  But career wise, it’s been a bust.  Other people are to blame, I’d like to say, but really I have no one to blame but myself:  I put up with too much bullshit.  And I placed myself in a position where I was trapped in impossible situations.

And those fucking tones!  I still can’t get the hang of them!

I have two things to thank China for:  my wife Jenny & my son Tony.

There were a few students along the way that I have liked through the years.  But the last few years, there have been far too many that I came to loathe.  I want to meet some students who are interested in ideas…

I’d like the Chinese more if they didn’t drive.  Impatient bastards who don’t take into consideration other drivers,  They make right turns without looking.  They cut off others without shame.

I have been treated far better than I deserved by many a Chinese person.

I am now in the paradoxical of thinking China is doing better by its people than Canada is.

Who’s been my favorite expat through the years?  Tough question.  I can’t say that I’ve made many expat friends in China.  Expats are notoriously cliquish.  And I must be one of those people that other people form cliques against.  So, no one. Probably serves me right that this is so.  I’m not a very generous person.

Isolation has been something I’ve had to endure.  I can go weeks without contact with a laowai.

Who’s the expat, through the years, who has annoyed me the most?  So many candidates I don’t where to begin.  There was this Scotsman, was this German, was this Canadian, were these  Australians and Americans…. A bunch of Sexpats.

Favorite Chinese person I’ve met in my twenty years?  Weiming Zhao who resides in Brandon, Manitoba, Canada.

Favorite thing I did in China:  Trainspotting.

Favorite place in China: E Bizui Park.

Best thing about China:  no liquor communism.  You can buy liquor in small shops and grocery stores.

Worst thing:  the Great Firewall.

How many times, I came into situations with the best of intentions, only to be let down by people here in China.  It sucks to have to fall back on one’s own resources mentally and spiritually.  Prayer has helped me resist the urges to lash out at others.  It hasn’t stopped me from being an asshole however.

Best moment in China:  the birth of my son.

Did I come to China to escape myself?  I can’t say I did.  I knew already that I couldn’t escape myself.  I can only testify that my time here has proven beyond a doubt that that piece of wisdom is true.

I must suffer from avoidant personality disorder.  I have passive aggressive tendencies and I socially withdraw.

Am I a China expert?  No.  Absolutely not.

Sorry.

Sorry to whom?

How have I changed?  I take two showers a day.

Saddest thing I’ve seen:  the rise of the smart phone.

It’s a mundane life I have lead in China.  I couldn’t have done it without a VPN.

The latter stage of my teaching career in China — if I can even call it a career — has seen my co-workers become diverse while I have become an old white guy minority of one.  Armageddon!  These diverse people are good people and hard working, but they further isolate me.

I saw The Rolling Stones in Shanghai.

Do the Chinese like me?  Only the ones who don’t know me, it would appear.

What could I have done differently?  Everything and nothing,  It played out the way it did because God was testing me.  Did I pass?  Probably not.  I was halfway there and couldn’t go either way.

Should I have stayed in Canada?  Well.  I wouldn’t have met Jenny.

Has it cost me to move to China?  I’ll lost a sister.  The other costs will be incurred when I return.

My Chinese after all these years is shite.  There was a video where a Chinese speaker asked viewers if they could hear the difference in words pronounced with different tones,  I couldn’t.  Years ago, I tried to concentrate on learning to read the characters. I can truthfully say I recognize many.  But not enough to do any damage.

I can only say I am familiar with the language.

What will I do to mark this 20th anniversary? No party planned.  After 20 years, there are no long term acquaintances in China I could invite.  And I’m not willing to host a party, cheap bastard that I am,

The twenty years in China, for me, has been about me.  I may as well have done this in the permafrost of Manitoba.

I’m losing the battle to save my soul.

I haven’t travelled much in China.  I’ve been to Beijing once, Hangzhou once, Hong Kong once and Yunnan province once.  Other than that, Shanghai and Suzhou and Nanjing are few times, but not much.

How have I passed the time?  I’ve blogged, I’ve vlogged, I’ve read, I’ve walked, I’ve explored, and I’ve fretted.