5:35 PM View

Stream of consciousness entry.

 Just went for a walk.  The apartment community is confusing to follow in its villa entry.  I follow along its lanes and come upon dead ends.  My goal, if there was any goal, was not to cross paths; especially with the black cat I saw.  Anyway I got to an exit gate that was surprisingly open.  Usually, a lot of gates that were in place for construction and or emergencies are closed in these apartment communities.   This gate was open and I saw no gatekeepers.  So, I was able to take a road outside the community and return to the main guarded gate.  I crossed no paths.

While I was doing the walk, my son Tony phoned.  His football match  that he was to play in didn’t take place.  His team was under the impression that they were to play a team from the main school.  My son’s team of students from the international school.  They were told that they were mistaken in thinking there was a match and that maybe next week, the main school would contact them about having a match.  Tony was justified in swearing about this.

Now, stuff that came into my mind.

Like someone constantly checking his silocisl media feed for messages, I remember my father, in his days, was constantly checking the phone for a phone call.  Who, I have wondered since, was from he was expecting or hoping for a call   It seemed my father was suffering from the loneliness I am suffering now.

I don’t think I am going to fall asleep easily tonight.

Those kids don’t like me.  I probably deserve it though it was never my intention to not be liked by them.  

While walking, the music wasn’t able to help me escape.

I have remembered my vow to try to talk to Jesus.

Maybe God wants me to be crucified.

I put things in God’s  hands.  Where will he take me?  Does he want me to live a life of mediocre thoughtfulness?