04/20 Morning Traffic; A Trump Meme; My Driving Juju; Patton & Trump & Me; I have failed the Lockdown/Quarantine Character Test; Three Hours of Tiger-Mothering; My Future;

• Monday, April 20, I drove my son Tony to school. I noticed that traffic was busier than it had been the week before. One of the reasons may have had to do with the Grade Three Primary School students going back to school.

• I love posting memes onto WeChat. Recently, I have been posting lots of memes related to the virus and lots of memes related to American politics. I have resisted the urge to post those critical of China and Mister Eleven. On Sunday, I posted a meme that said that the only thing that had gotten worse in the years of Trump's presidency had been the Democrats. Someone thought they were very clever and reposted the meme with the words "the Democrats" changed to "Democracy." I know many anti-Trumpers believe this and so that is why the person who changed the meme's wording thought it might be a clever riposte. But it is a bit of mystery as to how they think they going to convince Trump-supporters to change their views with that. Has Trump made himself president-for-life like a certain Chinese leader who I am scared to mention? Does Trump ever not hold press conferences where he doesn't have to confront members of the opposition media like any Mainland Chinese leaders? Does Trump live in a country where leaders from opposition parties don't hold important positions in other levels of government? The answers to all these questions are of course no, so one has to wonder why the person even bothered trying to respond to the meme in the way he did. It could be because he couldn't argue with the substance of the meme which was the that behavior of the Democrats has been shameful.

• I admit when I am driving in China, I have a conceit about being a better and more reasonable and more proficient driver than the locals. That is, I have better driving juju than these just-gotten-off-their-bicycle hayseeds. The local drivers however can rattle my conceit when they do some clever maneuvers and are able to foresee an opening in traffic that I didn't. I assuage my wounded conceit by thinking what assholes those local drivers were. And I think I can make a case that many of these local drivers are assholes. Because I, having superior driving juju to the locals, I know when to pick my moments. When traffic is heavy, I stick to my lane and am patient. When traffic is lighter, I strut my stuff.

• Interesting to listen to a podcast where VDH said that Trump had some General George S Patton qualities. (Or did he say Patton had Trumpian qualities?) Patton was considered by many of his colleagues to be gross, obnoxious and thus a deplorable, and yet Patton was admired by many a common man because he had the right set of skills for the moment. Ditto Trump. I have only one thing I can think of in common with Patton and that is that we both got in trouble for slapping people. In Patton's defense, you can say he didn't shot them like many German officers did to their soldiers in the same war. The only thing I can say in my defense is that the people I slapped deserved it more than the soldiers Patton slapped.

• This lockdown has been a test of my character and probably one that I have failed. While I can say I have endured my wife's moods very well, I can't escape this feeling of being useless and impotent. I am faced with the question of what I am going to do after this, and I am nothing but indecisive. Right now, my actions are that of someone who just wants to stay in China and hopes that things can carry on as they did before; while my thoughts are of someone who knows that it can't carry on, but can't muster the resolve to do anything about it. My quandary is that I have to keep my marriage but I have no loyalty to or interest in China. Jenny is staying loyal to China. Tony wants to go to Canada. Choice is stay in China, stay married, but wish I was in Canada; or go to Canada and put my marriage in jeopardy. My stomach sours when I contemplate this.

• My son Tony got 62 on some test and my wife spent three hours tutoring and screaming at him. All I did in the meanwhile, was sit nearby and try to calm my nerves. I have been putting up with this for six years. How this is supposed to make for a better future (which is how this tiger-mothering has been justified to me) is beyond me. All that are being created are bitter memories and regrets at the time wasted. I would like to see a future where kids are free in the evenings and parents don't feel a need to tutor their them.

• When my wife says it is for the future, I think what about my future? My future is now? I never envisaged a future where my wife would spend three hours of her life being angry over something so ephemeral as a grade six school test.