In other news...

Tony Kissed Me

Tony kissed his father.  After that, he bit his father on the back and legs.

 

Bad Omen

I walked onto to a crowded bus yesterday to see the bus driver fast asleep.  A very strange sight till I realized he was power-napping.  It sometimes takes a minute for all the passengers to board the bus.

 

Pedestrian Shoved by Bus

Your reporter say a bus hit a pedestrian for the first time.  The pedestrian involved was very stupid and very fortunate he wasn't killed.  Walking against a red pedestrian signal and a green left turn light, the pedestrian was lucky that the bus making a left turn was able to slow down enough so that he was only "shoved" about ten feet after the collision.  The pedestrian wasn't knocked to the ground. 

 

Is there a Ted Kennedy School for Pedestrianship in Wuxi?

 

Arby's Ditches Plans to open Four stores in Wuxi

The abdication of Andrew the First as King of Wuxi has resulted in many popular North American restaurant chains abandoning plans to expand to Wuxi.  Arby's, a popular chain of Roast Beef Sandwich shops today cancelled plans to come to Wuxi

 

Already existing restaurants have curtailed their expansion plans.  McDonald's has shelved indefinitely its plans to open thirty more outlets in Wuxi.

 

Collapse in Pork Futures Market

With demand for pork expected to fall fifty to seventy percent after the abdication announcement, the Chinese Pork Futures Market has collapsed.  Millions of pork farmers in China are rioting and asking the government to provide them with support.