The King of Wuxi enters U.S. presidential race.

Just when one thought the U.S. presidential race couldn't have more twists and turns, another unpredicted variable further clouded that election picture as a fourth viable contender, the King of Wuxi, announced his candidacy for 2008. 

Speaking at the Dongtien District Municipal Workers and Retirees Stadium in Wuxi which was packed with 250,000 people for some other event, the King cited the weakness of the three remaining candidates as his reason for entering the hotly contested 2008 U.S. Presidential Race:

I hear talk of change! said the King but what specific change are they talking about?  Change you can see is change you believe in.  And plus Change seems to be a weasel word for Revolution which I can tell you from my days as a fixer in the Manitoba Liberal Party is a non-starter for responsible voters.  Any politician who promises unspecific change is irresponsible.  That is why I promise change that you really can believe in.  I promise you that if you elect me President of the U.S.A. from 2009 to 2013, I will change my underwear everyday; twice on hot days.  And you won't have to worry about this linen being dirty.  My spouse, who has not had sex with Monica Lewinsky, will ensure my underwear is clean.  She will make a great first lady.  And did you know that my spouse is a trained make-up artist?  Well, you won't see me trying to put on my resume as a reason to be President of the USA or a make-up artist.  No Siree!!

Furthermore, I am not too old to be the president of the U.S.A. like some other guy who spent 5 years in the Hanoi Hotel.  I lived in Winnipeg, aka Winterpeg for 37 years!  What do you think of that?  And doing all the things I have in my life, I am the right combination of youth and experience.

And you say I am not a minority or a woman?   I am in fact Minoritus Maximus; I am a gimpy legged Scotchman.  Furthermore, if you look on the Internet you can see photos of me in women's lingerie.  Try finding photos of the other candidates so clad, even the ones who are qualified.

So remember, a vote for me is a vote for everything.

Many observers think the King's candidacy will completely upturn the race.  Said Flanders Banders Whoopem, an US election expect from the University of Denmark Copenhagen, The King's appeal to underwear-changers transcends so many previous dividing points among the U.S. electorate.  Think of it, Women, Men, Latinos, Blacks, Jews, Wasps, Libertarians, Socialists and Methodists, to list a few all change their underwear.  The only people who won't be impressed by the King's underwear changing are Eccentric Left-Wing professors whose students are usually too drunk to find a polling booth and who were discredited anyway by the 1972 trouncing of George McGovern.  Furthermore, Mitt Romney supporters who were probably going to sit out the election will flock in droves to the King's candidacy.