The King of Wuxi: I have a good aim 99.9% of the time.

The King of Wuxi held a surprising and dramatic news conference in downtown Wuxi today.  He answered no questions.  He made the following statement:

Thank you for coming.  An enormous cloud has descended over Wuxi Expatdom for which my actions in a public bathroom at the House of Pancakes on Pembina Highway in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada are to blame.  I don't understand how I missed.  It is something I haven't done since I was drunk at Ronnie's in Wuxi, China.  And when you consider that I have such a wide stance, a stance that is wider than the average WC, my aim is exceptionably good.  However, I do regret my attempts to deny I had made the mess on the floor to the staff at the House of Pancakes.  And of course I also regret the strong words I shouted at a female who saw my accident.  The B Eye Itch was right to scream at me. 

So now that we have closure, I suggest to all Wuxi Expats to look forward, don't look back and put this trivial incident behind us all.

I also wish to announce as a way of pre-empting  future controversies that I am a heterosexual.  I love my wife and my son in the way a good heterosexual father and husband should.

Again, I thank you for coming.

The King quickly ran to his car as onlookers shouted: "You fixed the election!" ; "You cast not a cloud but a big shadow over us all!" and "Democracy! Not Lard!"